Seven songs that are doing better than Kylie’s ‘Into The Blue’

Kylie+Minogue+PNG

(image: Parlophone)

I don’t mean to alarm anyone but we’re in the middle of a pop emergency. Kylie’s ‘Into The Blue’ is at twenty-three on iTunes. Twenty-three isn’t necessarily a catastrophe, but it’s Kylie. And the song is a strong nine. This wouldn’t be such a disaster if there were twenty-two nine-point-fives above it, but here’s some of what is blocking Kylie from her Number 1.

Avicii_-_True_(Album)Two Places Higher: Avicii – ‘Addicted To You’ 

This isn’t actually terrible, but it sounds like something off the Rebecca Ferguson album. Which isn’t bad, but it’s not exactly what you want from an Avicii song. Actually, a ‘hands aloft’ type banger from Rebecca Ferguson (feat. Avicii) would be pretty much ideal. This is also really short, so for no extra money, you get one minute and forty seconds more song with Kylie.

(image: PRMD)

David Guetta - Show Me DownSix Places Higher: David Guetta – ‘Shot You Down’ (feat. Skylar Grey)

There are so many things that can be pulled apart about this song. It’s as if Guetta Towers have literally stopped giving a shit. The Audio Bullys’ version of this is 2830813780218371x better, right? Let’s just enjoy a bit of ‘When Love Takes Over’ instead.

(image: Parlophone)

The ChainsmokersNine Places Higher: The Chainsmokers – ‘#SELFIE’

Diabolical.

(image: Dim Mack Records)

Pixie Lott - NastyEleven Places Higher: Pixie Lott – Nasty

This isn’t even bad. In fact, the whole video/song package is quite good, and the album should be better than the last one. But has there ever been a more uncomfortable looking popstar performing their big comeback single? Despite the fact that she (said) she had to ‘fight’ for this song, she never really looks like she’s enjoying it. She probably dislikes this song more than anyone else ever.

(image: Mercury Records)

Sam Smith - Money On My MindFourteen Places Higher: Sam Smith – Money On My Mind

Does anyone else ever wonder what is on Sam Smith’s mind at any given moment? He may well be deciding which type of chicken kiev to have for dinner tonight. Garlic, obv. Anyway, shouldn’t this have fallen down a bit by now?

(image: Capitol Records)

Flo Rida - How I FeelFifteen Places Higher: Flo Rida – How I Feel

Admittedly ‘Into The Blue’ doesn’t reinvent the Kylie wheel, but this is almost identical to ‘Right Round’ (without Ke$ha – which is like eating a hot dog without the sausage). Also, is this the laziest choice of sample ever?

(image: Atlantic)

Enrique Iglesais - I'm A FreakTwenty (TWENTY) Places Higher: Enrique Iglesais – I’m A Freak (feat. Pitbull)

This song sounds like an ARK Music Factory release. On the plus side, suddenly ‘Beautiful’ doesn’t seem like such a bizarre single.

(image: Universal Republic)

In other words, Kylie should be in the Top Five. Probably at two (Kiesza should be number one – yes it’s a bit far in advance but still).

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