A guide to being completely useless at dating

First things first (I’m the realest), I must apologise for the lack of activity on here. There are two reasons for this: the first is that I’m going to start video-blogging and the second is that the drafts that I have written are a bit shit. In terms of the video, I have no idea when it’s actually going to come into fruition because I’m currently stuck on how to start it. So if someone could tweet me (@itsmatthooper) with a word to start it with I’d be very happy. In terms of the drafts I’ve written, they probably weren’t even that bad but now I’ve finished uni for summer I have far too much time to over-analyse and critique.

Anyway, the purpose of ‘this’ is to share something that I’ve been over-analysing for my teenage years: dating.

Dating confuses me. I hope the really hot guy from Twitter (yes I’m 14 mentally) isn’t reading this because I do enjoy going on dates but that does make them any less confusing. Is it just me or does anyone else just not know how to behave? I feel like there’s only two options. The first is not really you at all, more a list of desirable attributes taken from Yahoo Answers. The ‘Sasha Fierce’, if you will. The second is you, which never works because after one Cheeky VK you’ll admit to being obsessed with Harry Styles. The ‘Beyoncé’.

The only thing worse than dating in my mind is flirting. What even is it? On the one hand you get the ‘hot’ messages on Tinder (we’ll get to that later). I can’t help but think that technology inhibits actual flirting. I’m very much guilty of this too. Take Instagram, for example. You see so often on those bloody annoying Twitter accounts how a like is a roundabout way of flirting, but is a like actually code for ‘I like your face’? Or is it just ‘nice picture’?

It’s the same with Twitter. I’m sure everyone has that one (or two) people on Twitter who are very fanciable. I feel like people may judge this but at least you like the personality (*cough* Tinder *cough*). What is confusing about this though is how does one make a move? A retweet? Bit casual. A DM? A bit keen. Admire from afar? Will do.

Then comes Tinder. Fucking hell. I joined the app in March because it literally couldn’t get worse than the last person I dated. Also I joined because my lecturer told us too but I didn’t mention that to any ‘match’. A few dates came and went but nothing stuck. And now I’m just as single as I was three months ago (although getting told you’re pretty by a few people does raise your confidence no end).

A word of advice on the Tinder front: make sure you check that the person is actually single (no really).

Anyway, I’ll probably dive more into my dating history in some (attempt at being) witty vlog. Mainly because it reads a bit like a script for Eastenders (health problem – check, cheating – check, messy break-up – check). But for now that’s what has been going on in my mind all day. As has this:

Fucking hell that’s good. I’m obsessed with Asami’s blue hair too. I might test that out at some point. It’s tied with the Katy Perry and the Rita Ora on the hair colours I want to try. Answers on a postcard as to which would look best or if I’m too plain for such colour.



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