Who’s going to win Eurovision?

This week we’ve had a beautiful Swiss man, milk churning that is not in any way aiming to simulate wanking and a woman ripping out her cheap extensions. Not forgetting the thirty-seven songs that we’ve been ‘treated to’. The Eurovision Song Contest comes to a conclusion tomorrow night. Unlike the last few years when it was more “how far ahead is Loreen going to be”, this year is anybody’s to win. Well not anybody’s. In fact, I’m 99% sure one of the ‘Magic 8’ will win (yes ‘Magic 8’ is a shit name but just wait). Here’s who could win:


This looked like a winner pre-contest because it’s an alright pop song sung by a pretty lady from a country that has the support of Europe. I can’t be the only one though that thinks the performance is a bit weird? I don’t understand the staging at all: who thought that wheel/that dress would be a good idea for such a simple, fun pop song. Anyway, it undoubtedly has the sympathy vote, but I think it being drawn first is only going to work against it.

What does the Magic 8 ball think? (see what I did there – this is why you should study a course in journalism kids): “As I see it, yes.”


This also looked like a winner pre-contest. However a luke-warm reception to the semi-final performance has meant it has drifted off in the odds. Personally, I didn’t think the performance was that bad, it’s just the song is really dull until the dub-step bit. It has been written off by most people, but it is doing very well across Europe on iTunes so is definitely not out of the race. It’s seventh in the running-order, which could be good given that it’s sandwiched between the slap-in-the-face that is Romania and Montenegro’s Christopher Maloney.

What does the Magic 8 ball think?: “It is decidedly so.”


There’s something very deer-in-the-headlights about the Greek entry. The singer over does it slightly, and the rapper is so nervous that he even ‘does a Tamera Foster’ in his first bit. It is a lot of fun though, and does seem tasteful and sensible when performed after the amazing Polish entry. I can see it picking up a lot of fives and sixes along the way, and who knows, that may be all it needs to win.

What does the Magic 8 ball think?: “As I see it, yes.”


The surprise of the second semi-final was Conchita Wurst, who was incredible. I don’t think the song would win sung by anyone else because it is a bit dated, but there’s something about it all that feels quite special. Perhaps the only factors going against it are the first half draw and the competition from other big ballads (I can see the vote being split between this, Sweden and Spain). This is now the second favourite, and I can see it connecting with the voting public. The crowd reaction to her qualifying was really something too.

What does the Magic 8 ball think?: “As I see it, yes.”


I’m just going to throw it out there: I don’t want Sweden to win. This has nothing to do with my love of the Ace Wilder song that lost out by two points in their final (I’m over it). It all just feels a bit like this is being primed for a win. When Sanna drew to be in the first half, it felt exciting and threw it wide open. However, she’s performing in thirteenth place (as predicted here), which is just after the adverts and is also the last spot in the first half. The song is really good though, and it would be nice for Sanna to win, I suppose.

What does the Magic 8 ball think?: “Cannot predict now.”


Obviously the real moment of the first semi was The Netherlands (it’s coming), but I think Hungary also had a very good night. What he lacked in vocals he made up for in performance (that power run hello), and I thought it sounded a lot like a winner. Although that may have been because it followed a lot of ballads, it will do the same in Saturdays final. Having said that, I do still think drum and bass is a year too early for the contest, so who knows?

What does the Magic 8 ball think?: “Ask again later.”

The Netherlands

My personal highlight so far, The Common Linnets performance was simple yet really good. It has also caught the attention of Europe, being the most downloaded song from the contest this week. Aside from being a really good song, I think this did well because it followed a lot of dated crap in the semi. In contrast, it follows Denmark this time, which is a lot more memorable. Equally, there was nothing like it in the semi, whereas here it is in direct competition with Malta and Switzerland, both of which sound similar and are in the second half. It would be a worthy winner though.

What does the Magic 8 ball think?: “Outlook not so good.”

United Kingdom

There was a collective gasp from British Eurovision fans this morning when it was announced that the UK would be performing last. Poor Ryan Dolan from Ireland last year, who performed last and came last. Anyway, I think last could work in the UK’s favour. There’s something very final about the performance (gold rain holler), and the anthemic quality of the song may work better at the end. Admittedly people may have a favourite by then, but then a favourite hasn’t closed the show for a while so there’s not much to compare this to.

What does the Magic 8 ball think?: “Outlook good.”

Even the Magic 8 ball doesn’t have a clue. Fucking hell.



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