Six metaphors Sia is yet to ‘milk’ but probably should

Sia

‘Embers’

It’s a little bit unbelievable that Sia hasn’t dived into the world of embers (perhaps the only thing more shocking is that she hasn’t written a song called ‘Empire’ – although Shakira’s is near-as-dammit). It’d be pretty much ‘Diamonds’ pt 2, but at least embers actually produce their own light. The chorus too pretty much writes itself: “We’re glowing like embers/we’re glowing like embers/we’re glowing like EMBERRRRRRRRRRSSSSSS’. Ok, so this is maybe more Lea Michele than Sia herself but still.

‘Hare and Tortoise’

This would be an anthem for people who are dating really overbearing people. Think Stephen and Kimberley from Big Brother but without the sex in front of a million people. The ‘you’re moving to fast for this to last’ metaphor could be well and truly rinsed in this situation, perhaps over a ‘West Coast’ style tempo shifting track. Imagine the video too, with small children ‘throwing shapes’ dressed as the animals. Perhaps Sia could make an appearance too, as the tree that the hare has a nap in front of. The possibilities are well and truly endless.

‘Exorcism’

Yes, the ceremony in which demons are removed from a possessed body is a bit heavy for a three-and-a-half minute pop song. But imagine if it was an empowerment album in the vain of ‘Cannonball’ and ‘Pretty Hurts’. The ‘exorcism’ could be the exorcising of past demons, for example (clever innit). There’s also potential for a ‘Sexorcism’ here; a ‘Not Myself Tonight’-style banger about being sexually liberated. Ok so maybe not for Sia, but this is the woman who wrote ‘Sexercize’.

‘Seahorse’

A female empowerment anthem. Seahorses are the only species of animal where the males carry the young, so imagine ‘If I Were A Boy’ meets Firestone-feminism. Or equally, it could be a love song about the seahorse mating dance (see below). There probably isn’t a pop star in 2014 who has the prowess to sing about being a seahorse with conviction. On second thought, Avril Lavigne would probably give it a bash.

‘Gemini’

A song for those of us with two distinct personalities. Potential for a ‘HE’S LIKE A GEMINI, LIKE A GEMINI, BUT HE WAS BORN IN SEPTEMBER’-type post-chorus. To be honest, she should write a song for every star sign. ‘Taurus’, the anthem for strength. ‘Libra’, for those with a balanced mind. The options are endless (well they’re not – there are only twelve star signs – but there are enough for an album).

‘A Sia Song’

Imagine if Sia compared life to a song written by Sia. Life isn’t always direct and to the point, and yes it’s not always easy to understand. But when life has a monster chorus and post-chorus, can you really moan if the metaphors are a bit weird. Sia, we salute you.

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