Grab your tissues cos it’s the last X Factor ranking.
34. Rough Copy
Literally the worst X Factor contestants of all time. It still irks me that people liked their arrogance yet Tamera wasn’t allowed to be confident 😦
33. The Unconventionals
This is the worst X Factor performance of all time. It’s almost a bit Jessie J-like in that no one is hitting the right key but are trying to over-sing. They bizarrely released a single four years ago which is a slam dunk 0/10, but the video is lols.
32. 2 to Go
If you were making a parody of the show, 2 to Go would be ideal. But they couldn’t really sing, and the ‘ooh we’re a couple let’s do coupley things to show how much we love each other’ schtick is a bit too cringey even for series one.
31. The Conway Sisters
Is it any wonder Simon sent them home, despite them being his own act?
30. The MacDonald Brothers
If Scotland did go independent, would they have had their own series of X Factor? Would they have been subjected to acts like this year on year? Basically, you got it right Scotland.
29. Diva Fever
You know you’re shit when you’re given an instrumental to sing.
“You’re a social worker?” “Yeah.” “That’s fantastic.” “I’m an IT consultant.” “Right.” Incredible. They’re a bit plain and boring though.
4Tune and 4Sure are interchangeable but 4Tune’s styling is marginally better.
District3 are just a bit too sugary. They’re probably the only group ever that would sound better with guitars (basically they’d be good if they were The Vamps).
25. Miss Dynamix
Imagine if Gary Barlow actually gave them good songs and a good image. Has there ever been another act that has been so catastrophically mis-managed?
24. Journey South
23. The Risk
They can sing well, but they have very little stage presence. Do they actually like each other?
They look and sound like every other girlband ever. Maybe, in retrospect, the name ‘Girlband’ was just in homage to this.
Not particularly good, but they did give us ‘Gypsy Woman’ on primetime tv, so credit where credit’s due.
I’m not usually one for discrimination, but I think opera on The X Factor is a bit weird. How does one compare an opera act to Verity Keayes? They’re good at opera though so there’s that.
19. Addictiv Ladies
That intro. Their prom posing at the start. Their desperation. ‘Holler’ at bootcamp. Amazing (same they can’t sing).
18. Nu Vibe
They’re not amazing, but at least they were trying to be something other than ‘One Direction’.
17. Kingsland Road
I wish Kingsland Road were as good as the Sainsbury’s near Kingsland Road tbh.
That’s a nice Sainsbury’s.
16. John & Edward
I didn’t like them at the time, but at least they bought some lols to a largely uneventful series.
15. Bad Lashes
Yes, they weren’t anything particularly special, but they were a bit different to every other cookie-cutter X Factor girlgroup. They released their version of ‘Wonderwall’ too, apparently.
14. Voices With Soul
Remember when Voices With Soul wouldn’t sing the ‘sleep with me’ bit in Lady Marmalade. The struggle of being a contestant in series one. Shoutout to the really over excited lady stomping in the crowd.
A bit boring, but they sing alright and look like a mid-noughties boyband. Two of them have done The Voice since, and another is in Jack Pack, so all was not lost.
12. Kandy Rain
Yes, they’re very shit. But I’m obsessed with them because of the one that claims to be a model, when her modelling photo could legitimately be a selfie. Serving Lauren Goodger, obv.
They did Snog Marry Avoid a while ago too:
11. Belle Amie
It was never going to last long after naming themselves after a porn site, but they did look like a proper girl group I suppose. They were meant to release an album this year, but that didn’t happen.
10. Union J
The vanilla One Direction.
9. Same Difference
Throwback to time Louis Walsh didn’t like an act because they were ‘a joke’. Throwback to the time Celine Dion gave Same Difference a singing lesson. If anyone wants a singing lesson now, Same Difference run a pop academy at Haven (seriously, who is coming with me?).
8. Eton Road
I actually thought Eton Road would win back in the day. They didn’t (spoiler), but they were actually good. In retrospect, they’re really similar to Union J, no?
7. Two Shoes
Still one of the greatest X Factor performances of all time. Much like Same Difference, one of them is now a vocal coach (seriously).
I’m still pretty gutted that FYD went out on Week 1, if I’m honest. They probably could have been really good if they hadn’t been in direct competition with One Direction 😦
I wasn’t into JLS during the show because Alexandra, but they were the first time that an X Factor group looked like they could actually be a viable worldwide ‘pop thing’. They obviously weren’t global, but still, ‘Love You More’ is at Number 2 in Mozambique right now.
4. Miss Frank
Another case of ‘probably should have gone further’, Miss Frank did lay the foundations for the likes of Cher Lloyd and Misha B to do a bit of rapping on the show. They’ve since ‘divorced from their X Factor persona and become a new band’ (fucking hell).
Was ‘Back To Black’ the first relevant song choice in X Factor history? I loved Hope during the show, and this performance is still really good now. The band no longer exist though, with one of them joining Girls Can’t Catch, another being in Parade and another going into recruitment consultancy (well according to Wikipedia).
2. One Direction
Imagine if Simon had gone with his head and not put One Direction into his Top 4. It goes without saying that One Direction are brilliant, so I would like to dedicate this to Niall’s early performance style. It’s borderline Christopher Maloney. Lol.
1. Little Mix
OBVIOUSLY LITTLE MIX ARE THE BEST. They’re the best singing band, the best dancing band and the best ‘being popstars’ girlband. To be honest, The X Factor would be dead and buried without them and One Direction still being big enough to prove that the show can produce popstars. While we’re on about them, can we just talk about how good their performance of ‘Move’ was. 10/10.