Last year, I wrote about some songs that would make excellent Beyonce singles because she hadn’t got on with it in 2013. As we all know, she got on with it in December. Can I control pop? Am I Carrie? No, but here are some songs from this year that would make good Rihanna singles.
BANKS – ‘Beggin’ For Thread’
Perhaps the most obvious ‘should have been for Rihanna’ song of all time. ‘Beggin’ For Thread’ is an incredible song, and is sonically not too different from the darker moments on ‘Rated R’, ‘Talk That Talk’ and ‘Unapologetic’. To be honest, it probably works better for Rihanna than it does BANKS, just in the sense that it is a lot more commercial than anything else on ‘Goddess’ (aka it has a massive sledgehammer chorus). Is this too much of a Rihanna retread though. It would almost be a bit of a let down after the now two-year wait for new music.
Kiesza – ‘No Enemiesz’
This isn’t a suggestion because Kiesza has submitted a couple of songs for the album because well, she described the one as ‘vibey’ and we all know how that can turn out. No, it’s because we still don’t have a leading popstar in house music and frankly, we desperately need one. Kiesza is almost there, but Rihanna would be the ideal candidate. Now, she would need to buck up her performance ‘style’ (actually do something other than pat her vagina), but a house song like ‘No Enemiesz’ would be another box to tick before her greatest hits.
Jennifer Lopez – ‘I Luh Ya Papi’
Completely selfishly because I’m still gunning for this to happen, but ‘I Luh Ya Papi’ would be an interesting Rihanna song. It harks back to old, not very good Rihanna in the sense that it’s a bit breezy and light (‘We Ride’, basically), but the Detail production updates the old. J Lo played down how sexy the song is, but in Rihanna’s hands it would shine as a premier slut banger. The video would be a ‘Justify My Love’ rip-off, but with more pastels.
Gorgon City – ‘Real’
If you crossed ‘No Enemiesz’ and ‘I Luh Ya Papi’, you would get ‘Real’. Is this the ultimate non-Rihanna single. It has the #relevant #cool house sound, but crosses it with the lighter ‘A Girl Like Me’ stuff. Also, much like ‘I Luh Ya Papi’, I think ‘Real’ is a smash that never happened. It’s very Rihanna too, in that she wouldn’t really need to do much performance-wise and it would be effective. For the video, I’m thinking aztec queen of the temple with lots of beauty shots in the forest.
Tove Lo – Not On Drugs
Imagine, if you will, that Rihanna had announced that she was going rock for her eighth album.
“FUCK THAT MEANS WE’RE GETTING ANOTHER ‘FIRE BOMB’!!!1111”
“OH WAIT ‘ROCKSTAR 101’ HAPPENED”
“THIS IS GOING TO BE SHIT”
Then twelve months down the line, Rihanna is on the radio (probably doing an interview with Ryan Seacrest). She talks about how vibey the whole recording process was. The world says “wait a sec, that’s what Nicole Scherzinger said”. Rihanna then goes on to talk about how her ‘rock album’ was inspired by Lorde. “Oh this album is ‘rock’ in the VMA sense of the word”. Ryan Seacrest then pushes play on ‘Not On Drugs’. Worldwide smash. Return to Instagram with a ‘suspicious looking cigarette’. Daily Mail in uproar. Rihanna is back. HURRAH!
ps. the actual Rihanna album might be out in a few weeks time (!!!!)